so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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