Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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