If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
