May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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