Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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