I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
