I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
it's like iHOP with fire
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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