areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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