he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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