this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
