So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
