i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize