She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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