I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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