i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
