you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
