This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
