Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
