don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
