Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
