after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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