Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
