I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize