The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
