i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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