The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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