I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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