Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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