Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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