I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
