He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
