No more Irish car bombs ever.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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