Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
