your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
