I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
