Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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