Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
