i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
