Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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