Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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