I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
