the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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