just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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