I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
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I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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