Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
