Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
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Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
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I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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