I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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