College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
