She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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