honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
