Just cropdusted the office
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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