It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
