Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
