I swear she didn't look like that last week.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
