I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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