I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
