You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
