i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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