he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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