alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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